More updates:

1. I’m going to the doctor tomorrow morning to have my right hand examined.  About six weeks ago, I injured my wrist during karate, and it’s still not OK.  In fact, when I shake hands with anyone with a reasonably strong grip, my first instinct is to scream like a little girl.  So, on the advice of my bevy of hospital nurses, I’ve agreed to see my physician, and probably have my hand X-rayed.  Let’s hope the worst-case scenario from Karen — surgery and a pin — do not come to pass.
2. The Day of Joy has come and gone.  On September 22, my dear friends Emilie and Dr. Jon exchanged their vows in Beverly Hills, Mich.  The reception, at the Southfield Inn, was exquisite.  Truly, this was a world-class event, and I had a lot of fun.  I welcomed the chance to renew my relationship with college friends Rob and Dave, and I got to dance a bit with Emilie’s mother (both of her parents are cool, although I didn’t get to formally meet Jon’s parents).  And despite that Tony was the “head” usher, I did get the chance to serve as the late-night-substitute maid of honor, but stories about the circumstances are probably not appropriate for a family-friendly blog.
3. Speaking of Tony … he recently moved into a new office space, which he’s sharing with three other solo practitioners.  It’s cool to see how he’s really getting into his law practice, and I must admit to a fair amount of pride in his accomplishments.  The only downside to seeing his new professional digs was that I met the woman with whom he’s sharing space — a nice lady, to be sure, but with such a firm handshake that, with my damaged wrist, she very nearly made me cry.  Seriously.  And Tony found that to be immensely funny, curse him.
4. I recently glanced back at some of my recent posts, and I’ve detected a propensity to wax eloquent about a certain amount of personal or emotional disaffection.  I think that this is not really a fair characterization of where I’m at, and I think I’ve isolated the reason for my occasional lapses:  a lack of sleep.  I’m frequently exhausted and listless not because I’m channeling my inner emo ragdoll, but rather because I’m not getting adequate restful slumber.  I started to figure this out when the earplugs I occasionally wear (to mute my upstairs neighbors), one morning, were no longer in my ears, but were resting peacefully on my bathroom counter, and I had no idea how they got there.  But between the random noises and the spiders crawling on my legs at night, it’s no wonder my REM cycle gets interrupted.  So, I just need to solve a much easier problem to engender, I expect, a return of energy and enthusiasm.
5. I *am* excited about October, though.  I’m going to a conference in Jacksonville, Fla., in the middle of the month.  I’ll be home for the weekend, then I have a Monday through Thursday vacation planned in Las Vegas with Tony.  He got a great deal through Harrah’s — hotel, food, and the works are comped — and all we need to do is show up.  So I’m flying us out.  It should be a great time.
6. I turned 31 on the 15th.  Had a nice lunch with my mother, and a fun dinner with Tony.  Betsy bought me lunch with a group from the office on the following Wednesday.  Not as bad as 30 was, but I’m somewhat less than pleased to see the “age” indicator increment one.
7. I’ve started voice lessons with a private instructor.  I’ve already had two sessions, and I’m having a lot of fun with it.  There’s plenty of room for improvement, though.  On the other hand, I did have a single piano lesson in late August, only to be told by the teacher that I didn’t really need lessons; all I had to do was just practice, because I had the fundamentals of music theory and keyboarding already mastered.  Whoda thunkit?
8. Well, I’ve successfully navigated my first real, sustained experience with an emotionally disturbed person.  I had met a young lady about a month ago.  She has a lot going for her — she’s smart, funny, attractive — but haunted by demons that bedevil her soul and lead her into a lot of self-destructive behavior in terms of interpersonal relationships.  I had to completely cut off all communication two days ago, which is a shame.  I wish her the best, but I can only take so much of getting late-night text messages expressing suicidal desires — and having to call the police to do a well-person check — before I opt to part company.
9. I’m starting to figure out why people who do prison ministry like it so much.  The men with whom I interact behind the walls are not what I expected, and their questions and comments challenge me in ways I failed to anticipate.  This is good.
10. I’m seriously thinking I’m going to take up yoga and kendo later this fall.

All for now!

I had a substantial update post written … and the stupid thing timed out on me, prompting a complete loss of data.  🙁

Will try again later.

I just returned from watching Stardust, a delightful fantasy film (still in theaters) about a star that falls to earth and — having taken human form — helps a young man find his true love, liberate his mother, and slay the evil witches.  The little shop boy even becomes a king in the end!

It was a cute family-type film.  I’m sort of a sucker for the fantasy genre, so YMMV.  That said, a premise of the film — that the thing we desire most may be hidden under our noses — did strike a chord of sorts. 

People nowadays really don’t take the opportunity to just slow down and savor the moment.  We rush from one commitment to the next, always in a hurry and rarely able to just focus enjoyment in the present.  Many of us retreat to “little things” that help keep us sane (for me, it’s long drives through the countryside, with the windows down and music blaring).

Case in point:  I’m on a four-day weekend.  And guess what?  I’ve been stressing about all the things I should be doing, but haven’t been.  Instead, I’ve been shopping, watching movies, putzing around on the Web, blogging from coffeeshops … and feeling guilty about it.  I keep thinking to myself, “Self, you need a vacation to unwind and relax” — as I’m on a four-day vacation to unwind and relax!

So, I’m going to waste today and tomorrow and I’m going to enjoy it.  The opportunity comes along too rarely to let it pass unappreciated, especially when it sits right under one’s nose.

For the rest of you … when you waste time, at least have the decency to not feel guilty about it. 🙂

I have it on good authority that the phrase “it dawned on me” may no longer be uttered by your gentle blogger.  🙂

One of the venerable classics of Western Civilization, the Mediations of Marcus Aurelius, begins with a series of short discourses on the life lessons he had learned from various people over the years.

It seems like there are a handful of aphorisms that I’ve come to learn either the hard way, or through the careful observation of others.  In the Aurelian spirit, then, I offer some of the ones that have crossed my mind of late, in no particular order:

1. No matter the circumstances or how difficult it may be to maintain readiness, always be prepared for any eventuality.  This point struck me very recently, as I faced the rare prospect of an unannounced drop-by visitor at home.  I wasn’t ready; the kitchen was a mess, and my clothing was not appropriate.  Of course, I dealt with it, yet — being ready takes work but pays off in the moment.
2. Most people are incapable of perceiving their own flaws.  A few of my friends and co-workers used to astonish me by their persistent refusal to acknowledge their weaknesses, until I came to understand that they simply didn’t see those weaknesses.  To me, the holes were glaring; to them, they were non-existent.  Which commends the practice of occasionally asking close friends for a critique, I suppose.
3. Power is best wielded with a light touch.  No one likes an asshole.  No one respects someone who lords power over others.  Yet, some can use power effectively while others cannot.  Those who are gentle in their approach and effective at communication tend to employ their authority most effectively.
4. Dedication trumps innate talent.  People who have talent are to be admired, but people whose hard work replicates talent are to be honored.  I have much more respect for someone who works hard for an A, than for someone who breezes through classes; the karate student whose clean kata came through hours of practice and not through hereditary grace is the more inspiring; the person who spends hours in the gym building a stronger body is more worthy of admiration than the person who never hits the iron but was blessed by great genes.
5. People are motivated as much by a fear of success, as by a fear of failure.  I’m a case in point; failure can be psychologically accommodated as the mere result of failing to commit, but if you commit fully and fail anyway, it implies a limit to personal omnipotence.  And that can be crushing.  The arrogant fail to achieve, because achieving would prompt expectations for future success that, at some point, cannot be attained — and those expectations present barrier that usually cannot be surmounted.
6. The assertion of mere preference can be the most effective weapon for killing a relationship.  We all have our preferences, but when we use preference as a reason for confronting or doing harm to others, we present a trump card that is very difficult to overcome.  Not everyone will satisfy all of our preferences, but when we use preferences as a means of drawing distinctions, there really is no shared basis for discourse — and hence, a relationship breaks down for lack of shared meaning.
7. We all have our quirks; hiding them from the world merely increases our own unhappiness.  People have different faces that they show the world.  The very same person can be seen as a dedicated co-worker, a devoted spouse and father — and a kinky gay-sex fiend who revels in unprotected sex with random men in the park.  We don’t show one person all aspects of our personality, and much about ourselves we keep hidden, for sundry reasons.  The rationale for this may be quite compelling on a case-by-case basis, but in the aggregate, it tends to reinforce feelings of loneliness.
8. It is never legal to do the illegal.  Such was the oft-repeated counsel of my drivers-ed teacher.  And he had a point:  When you pass another car on the road, it’s not legal to exceed the speed limit when you drive by.  Put differently:  The intention to avoid harm doesn’t mean that we can be willfully ignorant of the possibility that what we do will nevertheless cause harm.
9. Unconditional love supplies a hidden premise that can make any irrational argument seem reasonable.  I often wondered how my mother could have rationalized a lot of what she had to deal with, when I was young.  Then I figured it out:  She loved her sons, and such love has a funny way of making the intolerable, tolerable, and the irrational, rational.  Call it a hidden premise, if you must, but there’s no denying its power.
10. Adults misunderstand the nature of a child’s fragility.  Too often, I see parents unintentionally heap emotional abuse on their children, yet work diligently to protect them from the “secular culture” of the world.  Adults try to shield children from sex, violence, and death — yet I suspect kids are better at dealing with those topics than adults will admit.  What children do need, and too often fail to receive, is validation, and the opportunity to socialize and be curious without fear of rejection or ridicule.
11. Sometimes, a life-altering decision can be cleverly disguised as a trivial, spur-of-the-moment choice.  I applied for grad school because I was bored one afternoon.  A careless letter to the editor led me to write for, and eventually edit, the Western Herald.  I joined the WMU student government because I decided not to screen an unknown caller who ended up asking me to attend a student-leadership conference.  I presented at a national conference because I took 10 minutes to submit an abstract one snowy February morning.  Opportnity doesn’t present itself with fireworks and large signs; often, it is merely one unremarkable choice taken on an unremarkable day.
12. For some, a monochrome life of psychological comfort and safety outweighs the more colorful life of struggle, achievement, and risk.  We all approach risk differently.  Some embrace it; others avoid it; others don’t plan well enough to do anything but react to it.  I’ve seen some people allow their aversion to psychological discomfort stop them from achieving their goals, but they also never really had to face bitter disappointment.  Comfort is seductive; it prompts us to seek the immediate gratification of stability.  Yet risk aversion is not without price; those who reject risk surely don’t experience the lows of failure and shame, but nor do they experience the highs of achievement and glory.  Is the price worth it?  Each must choose for himself.
13. Doers are happier than dreamers.  Too many around me, and too often, I myself, find contentment in unrealized aspiration.  We daydream about what could be, but we fail to achieve, and we tell ourselves that we could be happy, but for … whatever.  Others do, and achieve, and find a greater share of happiness.

I reserve the right to augment this list later. 🙂

A few items of interest:

1. My cousin Callista has now made her way to Madison to work on her M.A. in French.  I had a farewell lunch with her at Bistro Bella Vita on the day before she left.  She managed to talk me into taking yoga at the studio she had studied at for several years.  Classes begin in September.  Should be a good counterpoint to the flexibility training I’m getting indirectly through karate.
2. Speaking of which … Orange belt, check. 
3. I had a burst of self-improvement energy last week, the result of which was the initiation of piano lessons with a delightful Russian woman (classically trained at the master’s level in the Soviet Union!), and a meeting with the woman who will, in mid September, start my private voice lessons.  I love music, and regret having avoided serious study for so long.
4. I won re-election as the senior Great Lakes Senator in USGS.  But the margin was closer than it should have been.  Hobbies can be aggravating, sometimes.
5. I think Dawhn has talked me into getting a kitten or two.  We went to the Humane Society last Tuesday, and I saw plenty of adorable cats.  We’ll see.
6. Tony is now teaching an introductory course in political theory at Kalamazoo Valley Community College.  It’s been a lot of fun helping him put together his course notes and PowerPoint presentations.  He even humored me by letting me prepare a handout for his class on the historical evolution of political theory from Thucydides to Rawls. 
7. Had a delightful lunch yesterday with my mother, grandmother, and aunt Sue.  Sue was visiting from the far-off land of Indiana, where the corn is golden and all the children are superlative athletes.

In the early morning hours of July 8, Robert Kozminski, a 28-year-old police officer for the City of Grand Rapids, was killed from a shotgun blast to the head.  (Story, Grand Rapids Press).

I knew the man, vaguely.  His older brother, Andy, was in my class through the 8th grade, and his father was the coach of my junior-high basketball team.  Bobby was one year behind us at St. Anthony School, but except for occasional smiles at church, I lost track of the Kozminski family when they went to Kenowa Hills for high school and I moved on to West Catholic.

The funeral was held at our parish church, St. Anthony of Padua.  I was humbled to be asked to participate, as an extraordinary minister of Holy Communion for the funeral Mass. 

Officer Kozminski’s viewing was held in the nave of the church, for the three days prior to the funeral.  The sanctuary was filled with flowers, and GRPD officers in dress uniforms were a fixture at the church for a week. 

The funeral itself was a spectacle.  The formal honor guard escorting the casket and the family; the 75-minute “salute” of the visiting officers; the heartfelt words from a fellow officer, the mayor, and the chief of police; the presence of VIPs including the Grand Rapids city commission, at least one state senator, and Dick DeVos; the funeral Mass with three priests and two deacons, celebrated in the presence of the bishop — all of these things contributed to an air of solemnity that was marked, more than anything, by appropriateness.

It’s easy to take a tragic event like the shooting of a police officer and turn it into a sappy melodrama filled with crude hyperbole and staged emotion.  This funeral was different; it was solemn and dignified — spectacle, in the most honorable sense of the term.

My heartfelt prayers go out for Officer Kozminski, his family, and his colleagues in law enforcement.  He was a good man, taken too soon.  May he rest in peace.

I had to write a short list of personal life goals, as part of the “Lessons in Mindfulness” portion of martial-arts training.  The Zen side, I guess.  Here’s what I submitted:

1.       Resume formal lessons in organ and vocal performance

2.       Earn a black belt in early 2010, and continue study through the dan ranks

3.       Develop, and then work through, my own comprehensive list of the “great books”

4.       Obtain certification as a registered parliamentarian

5.       Earn a USPA A license (skydiving)

6.       Publish at least one article in a professional journal before the end of the year

7.       Complete M.A. in philosophy

8.       Visit Rome

9.       Learn German

10.   Get Six Sigma certification through the American Society for Quality

11.   Finally (!) launch Briefly Noted (a private business venture)

12.   Submit formal proposal for Ethics Department to hospital leadership

13.   Body shaping – increase muscle mass, especially upper-body, and maintain cardio capability

14.   Buy a live-aboard sailboat

15.   Visit each continent at least once before I’m 40

16.   Learn to scuba dive

17.   Finish old manuscript … at last

18.   Call or visit old friends at least six times per year

19.   Complete a survivalist course

20.   Make final decision on abdominoplasty by December

Interesting, what we value.